As I walk on this barren wintry land my nose has reddened, my extremities have frost bitten and my body has become numb yet I am warmed with thoughts of you.
Thank you and namaste.
Guady G
Winter
Category: Grateful
Waiting for you.
What was it about you that set my nerve endings ablaze with only a glimpse of you? What was it about you that catapulted me to another dimension every time you whispered my name?
Was it the way you walked across the room to speak to me when it could have been anyone else? Was it the way you laughed at all my corny jokes with your eyes fully widened? My pupils dilated as well with every consonant and every vowel you used to form a word. A, E, I, O, U and with you it was always Y.
Why did I find it so easy to fall in love with you? Why did you just get me like no other could? I never had to explain myself because you could feel my pain and my joy. You liked me and I could feel it in the confines of my being! It was as if you and I were lovers in a past life somehow!
Why did my heart exalt with jubilee when you laid your arm gently over my naked shoulder? Every touch led to every kiss that answered the only question I often asked myself. Could I love again? Did I want to?
Feeling your warmth awakened in my soul the forgotten memory of us already knowing one another. I had just met you but my soul had never forgotten you. It was you I had been waiting for! Perhaps other loves had failed because I had to be single to meet you. I’m so happy! We did it. We finally found our way back home to one another!
But where are you right now? What is your name? Have I already met you? It’s only a dream right now but I know you are out there. I can just feel it! Please don’t wait! Come close and whisper in my ear! Let me feel your warmth and your touch for you know how to awaken my soul’s memories! Come! I am waiting for you!
Sincerely
Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn.
A Bird
I wish I were a bird so I could fly and be free.
Free to be anything. Free to be me.
I wish I were a bird so I could perch on your shoulder and take from you hand the bread that you offer.
If I were a bird I would fly high up above. Fly the great distance and be with you the one that I love.
Sadly I am not a bird and can not fly, but I have a love for you that will never ever die.
This was a short poem I wrote when I had a long distance relationship. It ended but I am always grateful for what he made me feel. Every relationship whether good or bad that ended helped with my growth as an individual. I’m fabulous fifty and single. I am in the best company now–my own. I learned to love myself more and not to depend on another person to define me and make me happy. I am happy all on my own.
Sincerely
Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn
My Senses
Dear David Liu
I would do anything to catch another glimpse of you!
I would stay in complete silence just to have your voice beat against my tympanic membrane once again!
I long for the piloerection that only your soft touch would give.
I wish I could still enjoy the smell of that cologne you loved to wear.
David I miss you!
I want to state that although you may be gone from this world you will always be alive in my memories and in my heart. My senses and I mean all my five senses will always long for you. Rest in peace my beloved friend.
Signing off
Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn
Our Photos
I stare at the photos and I wonder. Where did it all go wrong? I think I was too young. I was only 26 years old. Chronologically I was old enough but mentally and emotionally I was still immature.
I wanted you to love me so I could feel worthy of being loved. I wanted you to nourish me so I could satiate my deep longing for approval and acceptance. I said yes to becoming your wife. Was I even worthy of being asked? I always wondered.
I tried to be the good wife. I was dutiful, I cleaned often, shopped for groceries and I shared a bed with you night after night.
As you held me tight I wondered if you wished it had been someone else. I wasn’t pretty enough or in good shape. I blamed you for feeling inadequate until the day came and our union seemed to be on the road to dissolution. I made vows with God as my witness and just 5 yrs later I was turning my back on them.
I felt like such a failure. You moved out and finally also moved on. I was just there being idle still feeling sorry for myself. I was still pointing fingers at others for my own devised misery.
Then one day I truly prayed. I realized I always asked for things to miraculously change in my life although I never did a thing to help them change. This time I asked for guidance and strength. I needed to learn to be in my own company and to love it.
After much crying I woke up. I started truly loving myself. I dealt with my ugly past and recognized what kept triggering me to feel unworthy of being loved.
I now travel on this journey learning daily about myself. My marriage ended but it helped me grow and it gave me a beautiful daughter. My past whether nice or ugly was brought into the light! I forgave myself and all those that had ever hurt me. Yes even those bullies. I had finally realized that life was great and that I was great. I was alive!! I am alive! I promised myself that day to never snooze again. I had found someone truly wonderful to always love. Myself.
I am happy to say we all get along. There are no hard feelings between my ex and I. His wife is lovely and adores my daughter now 21. We can all share a meal together. We can chat and laugh together. Life goes on.
When people say timing is everything, I feel that is not quite correct. Sometimes people enter our lives to help us grow and to teach us a lesson. They wake us up. No union is perfect but if the work is done on truly loving and knowing oneself then marriages have a chance at lasting a lifetime and being happy. I wasn’t ready the first time but I am now.
My advice to those contemplating getting married is make sure you truly love yourself first otherwise any comment can cause arguments. It will hurt your feelings eventually. Don’t laugh this off. You matter. Another person should not complete you. They should add to your life instead.
With much love
Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn
Fluidity 