Having two eyes you never really saw me
Two ears and my words got lost in the silence that lived among us
Two arms always laid crossed upon your chest
Two legs remained immobilized
Perhaps I was a ghost and you feared getting closer?
NOPE!
What was I thinking ?
How could you have ever loved me with only one heart?
Have a lovely day. Sending hugs from Brooklyn. Guady G
In the silence
A sound
Your voice
Calling out to me
You love me
You want me
With You
But I can’t
For I still
Want this life!
Have a fantastic Friday my beautiful people.
Hugs from Brooklyn
Guady G
I stare at the photos and I wonder. Where did it all go wrong? I think I was too young. I was only 26 years old. Chronologically I was old enough but mentally and emotionally I was still immature.
I wanted you to love me so I could feel worthy of being loved. I wanted you to nourish me so I could satiate my deep longing for approval and acceptance. I said yes to becoming your wife. Was I even worthy of being asked? I always wondered.
I tried to be the good wife. I was dutiful, I cleaned often, shopped for groceries and I shared a bed with you night after night.
As you held me tight I wondered if you wished it had been someone else. I wasn’t pretty enough or in good shape. I blamed you for feeling inadequate until the day came and our union seemed to be on the road to dissolution. I made vows with God as my witness and just 5 yrs later I was turning my back on them.
I felt like such a failure. You moved out and finally also moved on. I was just there being idle still feeling sorry for myself. I was still pointing fingers at others for my own devised misery.
Then one day I truly prayed. I realized I always asked for things to miraculously change in my life although I never did a thing to help them change. This time I asked for guidance and strength. I needed to learn to be in my own company and to love it.
After much crying I woke up. I started truly loving myself. I dealt with my ugly past and recognized what kept triggering me to feel unworthy of being loved.
I now travel on this journey learning daily about myself. My marriage ended but it helped me grow and it gave me a beautiful daughter. My past whether nice or ugly was brought into the light! I forgave myself and all those that had ever hurt me. Yes even those bullies. I had finally realized that life was great and that I was great. I was alive!! I am alive! I promised myself that day to never snooze again. I had found someone truly wonderful to always love. Myself.
I am happy to say we all get along. There are no hard feelings between my ex and I. His wife is lovely and adores my daughter now 21. We can all share a meal together. We can chat and laugh together. Life goes on.
When people say timing is everything, I feel that is not quite correct. Sometimes people enter our lives to help us grow and to teach us a lesson. They wake us up. No union is perfect but if the work is done on truly loving and knowing oneself then marriages have a chance at lasting a lifetime and being happy. I wasn’t ready the first time but I am now.
My advice to those contemplating getting married is make sure you truly love yourself first otherwise any comment can cause arguments. It will hurt your feelings eventually. Don’t laugh this off. You matter. Another person should not complete you. They should add to your life instead.
With much love
Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn
Lying in this very same bed, I remember her. She looked so angelic despite having food spilled on her hospital gown. Her apparition so lovely…. the way the sunshine hit her gray and white locks…I loved her!
I remember holding her hand ever so tight that I felt her strength pass on into me. Marrying her was my greatest accomplishment!
Do not go my love! Not yet! I am not ready to let you go! Don’t go! But she passed on and I cried as if my very life went with hers. How I loved her!!
I wept much. I couldn’t talk. I even lost the ability to walk. And now that I lie in this very same bed—-I remember.
I can now see her face even more angelic. She calls my name and with all my strength I utter my last breath of life…..
At last I am with you my love and now I am happy!!
One thing that I have learned from being a doctor is that the power of love is very strong. This is a true story told to me by my patient as he lay in a hospital bed during his dying hour. His wife had died just 5 months prior due to ovarian cancer
They had met as children, married at age 20 and meant the world to one another. They had no children as she could not have any. He clearly stated that he wasn’t depressed. He just missed his wife very much. She was his life!
At 85 he had lived a great life with her by his side. He wasn’t afraid of living. He just wanted to be with her once again. A very bad pneumonia took his life in the end. Or was it that he was just ready to die having lived such a fulfilled life?
Stay tuned for more stories/poems inspired by my patients.
Sincerely
Dr.Macias aka Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn
Fluidity 