In Your Arms

Today was such a trying day.

I wish I had your strong arms to fall into at the end of it all

In your arms I was safe
In your arms I was loved

In your arms I always wanted to stay

But sadly you went away

With Love
Guady G

You! You! You!

My soul is not getting dusty on a shelf.
If it were I’d be doing an injustice to myself

It has always been you.
Come on get a clue!

I want you!
Kiss my lips!

I want you!
Come press yourself against my hips!

It is you who inspires this feeling.
It is strong but I am dealing.

I’m burning with unbridled passion.
My love for you shall never be rationed.

I want to shout as loud as can be.

I like you! I like you!

And I don’t care if you think I’m crazy

Love always- Guady G

Stay or Go?

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Photo by George Becker on Pexels.com

Standing at the door not knowing whether to stay or go.  I loved you once but now I just don’t know.  Sometimes I want to walk out but I stop and think of all we’ve been through. The laughter echoes while tears fall upon my face.  I can’t shake the pain. Now there’s only disdain.

Should I assuage myself by pretending it never occurred?  Could I remain at bay when your gusts of inconsistencies bludgeoned my hull and my rudders?  I’m so lost I shudder.

Yet here I stand with each foot juxtaposed before the door.  I long for peace and happiness that comes from being apart.  I’m frightened to go and frightened to stay.  Is it possible any other way? Is it?

When I’m in a slumber I dream of running outside and bursting into laughter. That would bring me great joy.  Do I dare do it? Is this a game? Am I the toy? What to employ?

I realize I must make a choice to leave or stay.   This causes such dismay!  I have been yelling for you to go but it is I that must decide. The more I knew you the less I knew myself!  My soul has left and I must follow.

Hugs from Brooklyn
Guady G

I am happy to state that my divorce was amicable. I love his new wife and son. My ex-mother-in-law never stopped loving me. We always kept in contact and despite having advanced Alzheimers she would sometimes share lucid moments with me. She recently passed on and I miss her. My ex-father in law always would call to check on me. He was such a funny guy and he passed on various years before his wife. I will write a blog just about them in the future.

Key message is be happy.

The Hook

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In and out.  In and out. I stitch with my hook in and out. Slowly and steadily.  Steady and slow. How long can I really go? Will I stop after one row or after twenty two?  Single double single double single double oops now I’m in trouble. Slip slip.  In and out. In and out. I’m about to scream and shout! Will you come here and help me please?  Only you know how to put me at ease!

Lay it horizontal. No wait perhaps vertical is better. I think soon it might resemble a sweater.  Help me! I’m confused and not amused. I can’t figure out this chain and it’s driving me insane!
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Insert your hook right here and not there. Yes that’s perfect. I knew you cared. You give a darn and I can trust you with my ball of yarn.
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By the way I think I like your hook. It’s grand.  It’s feels better in my hand.  Lucky you for always having it while I had to purchase mine for this crochet class.

PS I learned in class that the size of the hook really does matter.

Namaste
Hugs from Brooklyn
Guady G

Because of Claus

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Happy Holidays everyone. Last Friday I must have received over 300 hugs for I was Ms. Santa Claus for the children’s holiday party at my job.  I had never done that before and figured I would give it a try.  I must tell you that it was not that easy.

At first it was exciting to see the young smiling faces and the appreciative parents but after a while my head hurt. The wig was so tight I felt my brain would ooze out of my eye sockets. The glasses indented the bridge of my nose and the sides of my head. Yes ouch!! My face hurt from all the smiling.  There were so so many photos!  This all occurred after 30 mins and I had volunteered for the entire 4 hr shift. What was I thinking? Now I understand why when I mentioned it to coworkers they all said good luck.
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After an hour my mouth was parched. Thank goodness someone had placed a water bottle below my well decorated chair.  I chugged it like a lost soul on a desert.  I then decided to look beside me and was surprised by what I saw.

Santa dear old Saint Nick was a coworker of mine named Jesse. He is in his 60s and just had major back surgery less than a year ago.  If I wanted to plop on the floor he surely must have also but I was so wrong.

Now it was nearly three hours later and he bellowed out his laughter with the same energy and passion he had when he first had started. “Ho ho ho Merry Christmas. What grade are you in? “ He had this twinkle in his eyes and his cheeks were rosy red. I had only a wig on but he had the hair wig, the fake beard that wrapped around his head plus the hat.

I asked him if he was tired. Did he need a break? Did he want water? Was he uncomfortable in his outfit?  His answer was no I’m okay.  I was floored and then learned he played Santa every year. Would you have done it? Would you work a full day  as manager of facilities and then sit for 4 hours without a break and barely drink water?

That’s exactly what he did. How did he do it?  He told me he loved being Santa because it brought him joy to see the smiles on the children’s faces.  I then decided to see the world through Jesse’s eyes and something  inside me clicked.

All of a sudden I had a burst of energy. Nothing hurt anymore or perhaps I was just numb from the tight wig but I was happy.  Every time I looked at Jesse I was overwhelmed with love and appreciation for his personality, his compassion, his patience and his great love for Christmas.
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Jesse is my hero and I admire him today and feel blessed to have witnessed it so close-hand. Superheroes in the movies get dressed up and save the day.  Jesse put a costume on that day and saved so many.  There were parents that could not afford to purchase their children a gift, there were adults including the NYPD that had glimpses into the joy that they had lost.  I’m referring to the joy you have when you are young and believe in Santa Claus.

He saved me that day too because as Ms. Santa Claus I could also make a difference in someone’s life.  I was reminded that if the driving force in what we do is love then nothing else matters.  Love makes pain and fatigue dissipate. I see now how Jesse sat 4 hours without a break and barely drinking water —-it was love. His Merry Christmas at the beginning and at the end were said with the same joy because of love.

Thank you Jesse for being wonderful. You are truly a super hero. I was Ms. Santa Claus that day and I feel proud to have volunteered beside you.  I look forwards to volunteering next year again.

With much love
Guady G.
Hugs from Brooklyn

All In My Head

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Photo by rawpixel.com on Pexels.com

I haven’t been the same, since you uttered my name and now I’m going insane.  It was those words that you said.

I love you I surely do but now you left and I’m without a clue. What will I do?
Was it all in my head?

You never loved me! It was a fantasy!  Now there are tears being shed. Was it all in my head?

I still miss your lips kissing me so…
And your arms caressing me till I yelled let me go…

The highlight of my day was being with you every night.
And then you left and it wasn’t right! I cry. Was it all in my head?

Why dd you always stay through the night? Why did you always hold me so tight? Why did your eyes tell mine that you weren’t going anywhere and that we had a life to share?

I shout out that my witness is my bed but now there are just tears to be shed cause I know it was all in my head.

I actually wrote this to be lyrics for a song. What do you think? How many of us meet others that seem to just get us? We make instant bonds with them only to wake up one day and realize they have left us. I used to think there was something wrong with me but today I know that when others leave it might just mean they don’t feel worthy of the love I give them.

I know my positive attributes and what I need to work on. Sadly others just walk in a semi-comatose state, barely feeling anything and only going through motions and the minute they make a true connection they sever ties to it. They rather lose the connection early on to avoid losing the connection later on. They are lonely and look to connect but fear it at the same time. Ever wonder why some people leave their spouses when their spouses get a serious illness like cancer? Makes you think. Right? I don’t regret loving others even if at times it wasn’t returned. To quote Alfred Lord Tennyson’s poem In Memoriam:27, 1850— It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Do you agree? Why or why not?

Sincerely,

Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn

All My Beauty

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Listen………..!   I am no longer that caterpillar which most called ugly for now I am a beautiful butterfly!  I no longer need or want to stay within the confines of my old cocoon.  I’m not ashamed of what I once was for I have gone through my metamorphosis.

It’s still me you see except my pains and my sorrows have not broken me! Every tear I have shed has served to remind me of what I had forgotten.  I know now that I have always had these beautiful wings deeply secured within me. Today I can spread my wings out and I can fly.

Many dazzle at the beauty of my colors but you choose to see me only as an ugly caterpillar.  You are ashamed of my feelers and you join others in believing that I am nothing but a mere creepy crawling insect but I am not. Do you hear me?  I am not and actually I never was.

You can go ahead and run away from me for all I care.  You have no idea of the treasures I have hidden within the corners of my old cocoon.  And now you shall never know!! Take heed and take notice of my written words.

I am a beautiful butterfly and I can fly!!
Go ahead! Let out a sigh!

Hugs from Brooklyn,
Guady G

This entry is for those that forget how beautiful they are. You are beautiful and wonderful even if others don’t see it that way.  Love yourself!   Take care of yourself!  Keep shining because self love is not conceit if it comes from truly knowing and appreciating yourself with all your facets. Yes you are a gem!!