Who am I if I can’t please you?
Who am I if I feel no pleasure?
I’ve become numb, quite dumb to have forgoten that you were rotten! I’m a treasure not here at your disposal! Not here for just your pleasure! I chose to feel and to turn the wheel cause I’m going far! Far away from you! No more turning back for you to direct me. I chose to be free! I know I’ll be okay, cause I’ve got me!!
I lay here numb staring at the ceiling thinking about this f-upped year! I don’t know if I’m happy or sad or anything anymore! I want someone to blame for the sh….t but what would that make me? A lame victim? A powerless mofo who can’t even flip a switch on? Yes. I had a choice. Yes. I could have taken the stairs instead of the elevators. But I was lazy! So lazy I told you to do it and it cost you your life. But you aren’t gone cause you are still very much here. You are in my head and so very much in my field of vision. I hate you every time I look in the mirror! You said some hurtful things to me! You used people I loved. Them and yourself, yourself, yourself! Nobody knows all about you cause you are dark and wretched. You are someone I desire so much because I can’t attain you! Who are you but the ideas that were outlined for you since you were born? You wanted to run and they told you to walk. You wanted to laugh and they said be quiet! Shhh! So many shhhhhhhhs! Now you don’t even know which thoughts are yours or theirs! Have you gone insane? Have I? Is this all part of a good read? Fantasy? Who decides? Real? Fake? I’ll never tell.
Well, it’s now the end of the year. Is it time to dwell on all the crap of 2019? Time to fantasize about 2020? It’s your choice! It is plenty. Tell all those voices in your head to shut the hell up and yes it’s all you. Breathe, Relax and just take one day at a time! Stop ranting! No more chit chatter. The crappy past is over and it doesn’t matter. You are powerful and always have a choice. Making no choice is also a choice. I wish you all Happy writing and Happy New Year.
Let’s see what great things like ahead for all of us. I love you all. I send you hugs from Brooklyn. You are powerful and you will always matter. Loved ones are never truly gone for they watch over us. 2020 is a new beginning. Don’t make it your end. You have the power and the strength to climb all those stairs. You don’t need crutches or elevators. You can do it. Just believe and trust in yourself and in the universe.