Category: Growth

Moving on

GuadyG6 Comments
adult adventure beautiful climb
Photo by Nina Uhlu00edkovu00e1 on Pexels.com

If I say I don’t ever think of you I would be lying for many nights I did spend crying.

Remember when you walked out that door and said you didn’t love me anymore?

Well it’s okay because it allowed me find true love in my darkest hour.  I found someone more beautiful, more kind and smarter.

In your trivial mind I bet you can’t fathom the idea that I have moved on.  But I did and now every minute is splendid.

It took me a long time but I did it somehow.  I no longer live for you!  I live for me now!

In my life a number of men have walked away from the love I offered them. When younger I was always left feeling empty inside. It was as if their love validated me being lovable.  As a child I was bullied at school and was even told that only God would ever love me.  As a teen I was unibrowed and gawky,  my only boyfriend was blind and forget my prom nightmare (more details in a future blog).

In college I was very popular and every cute guy knew me but sadly I was just one of the guys to most of them so you could imagine my frustration.  I got married and then divorced.  All of this was just a cocktail for my growing lack of self-love.

I have been on a journey and it wasn’t until after my divorce at age 31 that I realized I didn’t need external validation.  Heck now I no longer need someone else to love me because I love myself plenty.  I am worthy of great things and so are you.  Yes you!

Sometimes a breakup can take a toll on a person’s self-worth but remember you are awesome with or without a partner because you matter.  Never forget that!  Work on yourself and learn to truly love yourself.  Once you do, you will no longer accept imitations of love especially cheap ones.  You will already know true love and that is the one you find within yourself.

Signing off
Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn

Break Ups

GuadyG12 Comments
adult alone anxious black and white
Photo by Kat Jayne on Pexels.com

They make us more poetic.  Don’t they?  I will share with you what I wrote after one of my breakups.  It lasted two years and ended in the year 2000.  I don’t regret that relationship because it was awesome while it lasted.  It helped me grow as a woman, as a doctor and as an individual.

I’ll always remember that windy day in November when you said you’ll love me forever.  Said you’ll leave me never.

Yet, here it is now May and I’m alone cause you went away.  What did those words actually mean?  I was fooled because they were so serene.

I miss you so much.  I long for your touch. The way you used to kiss my lips…………The way you pressed yourself against my hips……….

Every night was filled with so much passion. Your love never felt rationed. You used to hold me ever so tightly in embrace. Your memory I can’t seem to erase. You are deeply engraved in the confines of my heart.  Why did you choose to depart?

Was our love not real?  All my love, did you not feel?  I don’t care if you see me cry!  Damn you for saying goodbye!  

If you are going through a break up at this moment don’t let anger and sadness take over your heart and soul.  Use the pain to write awesome short stories and poetry.  You will be amazed with your own written words and it is also therapeutic. Go ahead and give it a try.  Let me know how it goes.  Namaste.

Hugs from Brooklyn
Signing off
Guady G

Our Photos

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close up of pictures
Photo by Leah Kelley on Pexels.com

I stare at the photos and I wonder. Where did it all go wrong? I think I was too young. I was only 26 years old.  Chronologically I was old enough but mentally and emotionally I was still immature.

I wanted you to love me so I could feel worthy of being loved. I wanted you to nourish me so I could satiate my deep longing for approval and acceptance. I said yes to becoming your wife. Was I even worthy of being asked? I always wondered.

I tried to be the good wife. I was dutiful, I cleaned often, shopped for groceries and I shared a bed with you night after night.

As you held me tight I wondered if you wished it had been someone else. I wasn’t pretty enough or in good shape. I blamed you for feeling inadequate until the day came and our union seemed to be on the road to dissolution. I made vows with God as my witness and just 5 yrs later I was turning my back on them.

I felt like such a failure. You moved out and finally also moved on. I was just there being idle still feeling sorry for myself. I was still pointing fingers at others for my own devised misery.

Then one day I truly prayed. I realized I always asked for things to miraculously change in my life although I never did a thing to help them change. This time I asked for guidance and strength. I needed to learn to be in my own company and to love it.

After much crying I woke up. I started truly loving myself. I dealt with my ugly past and recognized what kept triggering me to feel unworthy of being loved.

I now travel on this journey learning daily about myself. My marriage ended but it helped me grow and it gave me a beautiful daughter. My past whether nice or ugly was brought into the light! I forgave myself and all those that had ever hurt me. Yes even those bullies. I had finally realized that life was great and that I was great. I was alive!! I am alive! I promised myself that day to never snooze again. I had found someone truly wonderful to always love. Myself.

I am happy to say we all get along. There are no hard feelings between my ex and I. His wife is lovely and adores my daughter now 21. We can all share a meal together. We can chat and laugh together. Life goes on.

When people say timing is everything, I feel that is not quite correct. Sometimes people enter our lives to help us grow and to teach us a lesson. They wake us up. No union is perfect but if the work is done on truly loving and knowing oneself then marriages have a chance at lasting a lifetime and being happy.  I wasn’t ready the first time but I am now.

My advice to those contemplating getting married is make sure you truly love yourself first otherwise any comment can cause arguments. It will hurt your feelings eventually. Don’t laugh this off. You matter. Another person should not complete you. They should add to your life instead.

With much love
Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn

You were right!

GuadyGLeave a comment

I do love myself more.

4464228A-D16B-4A59-A27B-52FD00C36A65I tried to love you but you were hardly ever in the now.  You were either living in the past being tormented or worried about the future.  You tried to change me so you could feel more at ease with the lack of yourself.  You called me stubborn, conceited and said I was full of myself.

I will never change because I love myself.  I truly love myself.  That will never change. My attributes of greatness are mine and my inadequacies are mine too.  I love them both because they are a part of me.

I tried to love you but how could I?  You don’t even like yourself.  All the love I gave you was met with so much resistance.  It bounced right back onto me.

Yes you were right!  I do love myself more and that will  never change!

Signing off
Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn

This Wonder should make you wonder!

GuadyG2 Comments

5EFDA14E-A87F-49EC-88BC-BC5495BA7046Look at this beauty! It’s the Aurora Borealis. The sad thing is that it is speculated to lessen in brightness and occurrence due to less sunlight . I think the collective negative energy in our world is trying to win out.

Did you every stop to wonder why in recent years there has been an influx of information regarding enlightenment?  The Secret, the Power and so many other books , podcasts and videos have been made.  If you read them are you practicing them?

It is our obligation to elevate ourselves to do more than just take up space in this universe. We each have been given a gift and we must share it with the world. We need to love and be loved.  We need to forgive others and ourselves. We need to stop focusing on the negative and turn our hearts to the greatness that is being alive. We need to see the world as we did when we first opened our eyes at birth! Everything should be a wonder! All we see, hear, touch, feel and speak should be with amazement! We are alive!!!

This beautiful collection of colors is present today despite all the terrible occurrences in our universe. But how long can it hold on? Will you be the Dr. Strange of your own life and fight against the Darkness aka collective negative energy that is trying to take over our world?  Are you okay with the Aurora Borealis lessening and perhaps one day being  gone?  Perhaps it is time to be your own superhero.
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In the words of the beloved Michael Jackson — make that change! It’s just you with that person in the mirror! Don’t let that be your hindrance.

In the words of the Roman poet Horace- CARPE DIEM!!

Signing off
Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn