Did I really write this in college?


grayscale portrait photo of shocked woman
Photo by Alexander Krivitskiy on Pexels.com

I want to go where the sun doesn’t shine.
I want to sleep the eternal sleep.
I want to be with you and the only way to be is in spirit.

The flesh is only a mere existence. I don’t merely want to be.
I want more than the substantial. I want to overwhelm you in mind and body.
The more I think about it the more the blackness of life calls my name.

Close thine eyes and open them once again. Only then will I be there taking over every movement of you. In every heartbeat I know my being will flow in that blood, in that heart of yours which is so impenetrable.

I want to die to live in you. I so desperately want to live.

I have been writing since age 9 and when I read some of my prior writings I get a bit shocked.  Did I really write that?  It was about my college crush.   He really got deep into my skin and brain. My writing was creative yet dark.  Funny thing is that he became my buddy.   I met his family and we dated a bit.  I am grateful for him and for the awesome poetry I wrote pining after him. Its funny now but back then I was a  real nut.  Perhaps I’m still a bit nutty but I love myself. I own it.

Thank you  and I love you for reading.  May this blog find you well. If you like any of my blogs feel free to comment, like and share.  Let’s all spend love.

Guady G.

If I could speak with you up in heaven. . . .


Hoy caen lagrimas en mi almohada al pensar en mi tía adorada.
Siempre supo darme tanto de su amor y ahora extraño su calor.
Tía bella y hermosa la quiero tanto.  Tia bendiciones.

Feliz Cumpleaños tia querida

I woke up at 4:33 am crying because I heard her voice in the night.  I wish I could just pick up the phone and talk to her sometimes. She was such a corky individual with a dry sense of humor. I would talk with her about dates I had gone on and she would laugh and tell me don’t do fusilico too soon. She meant sex.  Right now I smile thinking of her.  I cry because come tomorrow she won’t be calling to wish me a happy birthday.  I now wish I had taken more pictures with her. I wish I had visited her more often when she was in Florida. I wish I had hugged her more. I wish I could hug her right now. Perhaps if I lie very still in the night she will speak to me once more.

Today my aunt would have been 85 years old but she died on July 27, 2017. She had scleroderma which is a slowly debilitating disease.  Thinking back I remember her taking so long to finish eating. I always thought she was just super slow. Today being a doctor I know it was the dysphagia part of her illness. Back then she didn’t even know herself. Reading about a disease is one thing but knowing someone who has it and watching them slowly debilitate is another thing. Do you ever wish you could speak with someone that has moved on? What would you say? If you heard their voice in the night, would you listen or be scared?


Was that you?

It’s 3:38 am and from my slumber I awake.  I could feel a cold sensation gently touching  me to wake. Was it you?  Are you close?  Tell me deceased lover, what did you say? I couldn’t hear! Come near.  Whisper once more!  I’m not afraid!

Hugs from Brooklyn
Guady G.

Are we truly alone? Do our loved ones visit us from the yonder? Did you ever stop to listen? I want to know.

My Wife, My Life

Old Man Sleeping In A Bed
Lying in this very same bed, I remember her.  She looked so angelic despite having food spilled on her hospital gown.  Her apparition so lovely…. the way the sunshine hit her gray and white locks…I loved her!

I remember holding her hand ever so tight that I felt her strength pass on into me.  Marrying her was my greatest accomplishment!
Do not go my love!  Not yet!  I am not ready to let you go!  Don’t go!  But she passed on and I cried as if my very life went with hers.  How I loved her!!
I wept much. I couldn’t talk. I even lost the ability to walk.  And now that I lie in this very same bed—-I remember.

I can now see her face even more angelic. She calls my name and with all my strength I utter my last breath of life…..

At last I am with you my love and now I am happy!!

One thing that I have learned from being a doctor is that the power of love is very strong.  This is a true story told to me by my patient as he lay in a hospital bed during his dying hour.  His wife had died just 5 months prior due to ovarian cancer

They had met as children, married at age 20 and meant the world to one another. They had no children as she could not have any.  He clearly stated that he wasn’t depressed.  He just missed his wife very much.  She was his life!

At 85 he had lived a great life with her by his side.  He wasn’t afraid of living. He just wanted to be with her once again.  A very bad pneumonia took his life in the end. Or was it that he was just ready to die having lived such a fulfilled life?

Stay tuned for more stories/poems inspired by my patients.

Dr.Macias aka Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn