Good morning my friends. This year has been tough with the pandemic and being an essential worker. In mid March I was on call and it was so difficult video chatting with patients that were sick and I had to refer them to the emergency room. Painfully I knew some of them would not make it.
It’s been so busy I didn’t process it. I got sick myself with Covid like symptoms but it turned out to be the flu. It sucked that last week of March. Then soon afterwards my beautiful coworker was found in a praying position on the floor in the morning in her home. She had a heart attack and tried to get to the phone and fell. Her grandson is my patient and he was devastated. Once again I had to stay strong.
My friend called me around the same time to tell me both her parents died of Covid one week apart. I couldn’t even go hug her and that was heart breaking. They were only in their late 50s. I’m 52 years old,
I then get a phone call from my friend that one of our mutual friends was in the hospital battling for his life. A severe heart attack at age 42. He died just few days shy of his birthday. He was a healthy beautiful person. He had just had a full cardiac check up too. What the heck? I almost cried but I couldn’t because as an essential worker and a parent you have to be strong for others.
I reached out to my friend for comfort to find out my Physician Assistant from my prior job had died and he was only 32. I just continued feeling crappy and so irritable.
In August my mom was hospitalized and required major heart surgery. She had hallucinations due to side effects of the anesthesia and the morphine given. My heart couldn’t take seeing my strong mom cry like a baby. I had to stay strong, I’m the only medical doctor in the family. I’m happy to state she is now better and almost at her baseline.
When I finally go back to work and check my labs I find out that the grandson of my deceased co-worker has to be sent to the emergency room. At age 26 he was diagnosed with cancer. His girlfriend is my patient and I fought back crying to provide her with comfort and strength.
I found myself burned out, irritable and so unenthusiastic. Could I possibly take anymore? I watched sad movies but no tears. I chopped onions and nothing.
I then got into a tiff with my 23 yr old daughter and I just cried and cried. I broke and I finally feel better. I decided to start a You-tube channel to motivate others. It made me realize that in motivating others I uplifted yourself. Here’s the link. Care to join me? Let me know what you think