If only I could tell you what I’ve been through. It’s been difficult not sharing all that makes me happy with you. Sometimes late at night when I turn to my side I’m shaken with fright. You used to be there to keep me safe. You were my home and now I just wander. I just roam!
Standing at the door not knowing whether to stay or go. I loved you once but now I just don’t know. Sometimes I want to walk out but I stop and think of all we’ve been through. The laughter echoes while tears fall upon my face. I can’t shake the pain. Now there’s only disdain.
Should I assuage myself by pretending it never occurred? Could I remain at bay when your gusts of inconsistencies bludgeoned my hull and my rudders? I’m so lost I shudder.
Yet here I stand with each foot juxtaposed before the door. I long for peace and happiness that comes from being apart. I’m frightened to go and frightened to stay. Is it possible any other way? Is it?
When I’m in a slumber I dream of running outside and bursting into laughter. That would bring me great joy. Do I dare do it? Is this a game? Am I the toy? What to employ?
I realize I must make a choice to leave or stay. This causes such dismay! I have been yelling for you to go but it is I that must decide. The more I knew you the less I knew myself! My soul has left and I must follow.
Hugs from Brooklyn
I am happy to state that my divorce was amicable. I love his new wife and son. My ex-mother-in-law never stopped loving me. We always kept in contact and despite having advanced Alzheimers she would sometimes share lucid moments with me. She recently passed on and I miss her. My ex-father in law always would call to check on me. He was such a funny guy and he passed on various years before his wife. I will write a blog just about them in the future.
What was it about you that set my nerve endings ablaze with only a glimpse of you? What was it about you that catapulted me to another dimension every time you whispered my name?
Was it the way you walked across the room to speak to me when it could have been anyone else? Was it the way you laughed at all my corny jokes with your eyes fully widened? My pupils dilated as well with every consonant and every vowel you used to form a word. A, E, I, O, U and with you it was always Y.
Why did I find it so easy to fall in love with you? Why did you just get me like no other could? I never had to explain myself because you could feel my pain and my joy. You liked me and I could feel it in the confines of my being! It was as if you and I were lovers in a past life somehow!
Why did my heart exalt with jubilee when you laid your arm gently over my naked shoulder? Every touch led to every kiss that answered the only question I often asked myself. Could I love again? Did I want to?
Feeling your warmth awakened in my soul the forgotten memory of us already knowing one another. I had just met you but my soul had never forgotten you. It was you I had been waiting for! Perhaps other loves had failed because I had to be single to meet you. I’m so happy! We did it. We finally found our way back home to one another!
But where are you right now? What is your name? Have I already met you? It’s only a dream right now but I know you are out there. I can just feel it! Please don’t wait! Come close and whisper in my ear! Let me feel your warmth and your touch for you know how to awaken my soul’s memories! Come! I am waiting for you!