Standing at the door not knowing whether to stay or go. I loved you once but now I just don’t know. Sometimes I want to walk out but I stop and think of all we’ve been through. The laughter echoes while tears fall upon my face. I can’t shake the pain. Now there’s only disdain.
Should I assuage myself by pretending it never occurred? Could I remain at bay when your gusts of inconsistencies bludgeoned my hull and my rudders? I’m so lost I shudder.
Yet here I stand with each foot juxtaposed before the door. I long for peace and happiness that comes from being apart. I’m frightened to go and frightened to stay. Is it possible any other way? Is it?
When I’m in a slumber I dream of running outside and bursting into laughter. That would bring me great joy. Do I dare do it? Is this a game? Am I the toy? What to employ?
I realize I must make a choice to leave or stay. This causes such dismay! I have been yelling for you to go but it is I that must decide. The more I knew you the less I knew myself! My soul has left and I must follow.
Hugs from Brooklyn
Guady G
I am happy to state that my divorce was amicable. I love his new wife and son. My ex-mother-in-law never stopped loving me. We always kept in contact and despite having advanced Alzheimers she would sometimes share lucid moments with me. She recently passed on and I miss her. My ex-father in law always would call to check on me. He was such a funny guy and he passed on various years before his wife. I will write a blog just about them in the future.
When you are sick how do you feel? What makes you go to the doctor? Seriously it’s 10 below zero and you get up from your warm bed, bundle yourself up and go see a doctor in hopes of getting antibiotics. But you don’t really need an antibiotic for every sneeze, cough or upset stomach. Most of the time the very answer is in how you feel. So how do you feel when you are sick? Yup, you feel like crap and you are in the state of crapinez. Yes I made the word up but I’ll explain.
C is for Vitamin C 500mg to 1000 mg once a day for just five days helps boost your immune system. If you aren’t diabetic you can also drink orange juice. This might be the only time I actually drink juice. I mostly just drink water. C is also for Cinnamon which is a powerful antioxidant. A few sprinkles mixed with a teaspoon of honey helps soothe and improve sore throats. Take this mixture twice a day for five days. If on coumadin or other blood thinners this might have to be avoided since it may make your blood even thinner. Being on aspirin is okay. I love this one.
R stay home and rest. Don’t go spreading your germs at work, school or community centers. Use your sick day. Pamper yourself. Love yourself.
A is apple cider vinegar. I use Bragg organic. No more than 1-2 tsp a day. Another powerful antioxidant. I usually mix 1 tsp of it with 1 cup hot water. I add a stevia packet to sweeten. I drink this before I go to bed every night for total of three to five days. I also use it to gargle. I take 1/2 cup of warm water and mix it with 1 tsp of apple cider vinegar. Be careful not to swallow it. I gargle every morning for 7 days max. Actually the book titled Apple Cider Vinegar by Drs. Paul and Patricia Bragg is full of awesome information. I highly suggest purchasing this book if you can.
P is for probiotic like lactobacillus to improve gut flow by increasing good bacteria. This is found in Yogurt, kimchi, and sauerkraut to name a few. I personally don’t use this because I am vegan and my gut is very content already. Other doctors I work with do use this and swear it helps them.
I is for Eye because you need to focus on seeing the positive aspects of your life. If you focus on everything wrong in your life you just attract more of it. This is the basic message of The Secret. All the books you will read about the Law of Attraction basically state that repressed anger, guilt, and sadness may solidify and cause illness. Most think this is ridiculous but I have noted in my patients that there might just be some truth to this. I have some stories which I can write about if you like.
N is for your nervous system. Practice meditation. It’s a known fact that anxiety makes your gastric juices become more elevated making your stomach sick. I meditate every other night to center myself. It relaxes me and I fall asleep. N is also for nasal irrigation. It is important to flush out mucus and debris.Netti pot to the rescue. This one I just love but it can take time. I find saline nasal spray also helps. N is for nutrition. You must eat healthy most of the time so you can help your body fight off infections. I love telling patients: Take care of your body and your body will take care of you. Eat well, and drink minimally. You may celebrate with a glass of wine or a mixed drink but don’t make the party last all day everyday.
E is for eucalyptus because it’s an anti- inflammatory, decongestant and anti-spasmodic. Yes it is in Vick’s Vapor rub along with camphor and menthol. I love Vicks Vapor rub because it works. I actually place it by my nostrils, forehead and neck mostly every night even when I’m not sick.
E is for Elderberry. This tea is a bit tingly on the throat. I just stumbled across this in the supermarket just a few months ago when my daughter was sick. It boosts your immune system. I now drink this tea once a week just to keep me super healthy. You should try it.
Z is for zinc 75 mg at first sign of a cold. It fights rhinovirus when started within 24 hrs. Take it for only a few days about three. I actually haven’t tried this but my fellow doctors have.
So stay in bed put a cool compress on your head and try these tips out first. Leave antibiotics for when you truly need them. Please follow these tips as advised. I usually advice my patients to try these tips and if after 7 days they are not improved then to come back to visit me. Most patients don’t return. The few that do return are the patients that have asthma or COPD and are still smoking. My advice to them is to stop smoking.
Sincerely
Dr. Macias
Hugs from Brooklyn.
PS: This is a repost with some adjustments. Hey you might just save yourself a copay today.
I stare at the photos and I wonder. Where did it all go wrong? I think I was too young. I was only 26 years old. Chronologically I was old enough but mentally and emotionally I was still immature.
I wanted you to love me so I could feel worthy of being loved. I wanted you to nourish me so I could satiate my deep longing for approval and acceptance. I said yes to becoming your wife. Was I even worthy of being asked? I always wondered.
I tried to be the good wife. I was dutiful, I cleaned often, shopped for groceries and I shared a bed with you night after night.
As you held me tight I wondered if you wished it had been someone else. I wasn’t pretty enough or in good shape. I blamed you for feeling inadequate until the day came and our union seemed to be on the road to dissolution. I made vows with God as my witness and just 5 yrs later I was turning my back on them.
I felt like such a failure. You moved out and finally also moved on. I was just there being idle still feeling sorry for myself. I was still pointing fingers at others for my own devised misery.
Then one day I truly prayed. I realized I always asked for things to miraculously change in my life although I never did a thing to help them change. This time I asked for guidance and strength. I needed to learn to be in my own company and to love it.
After much crying I woke up. I started truly loving myself. I dealt with my ugly past and recognized what kept triggering me to feel unworthy of being loved.
I now travel on this journey learning daily about myself. My marriage ended but it helped me grow and it gave me a beautiful daughter. My past whether nice or ugly was brought into the light! I forgave myself and all those that had ever hurt me. Yes even those bullies. I had finally realized that life was great and that I was great. I was alive!! I am alive! I promised myself that day to never snooze again. I had found someone truly wonderful to always love. Myself.
I am happy to say we all get along. There are no hard feelings between my ex and I. His wife is lovely and adores my daughter now 21. We can all share a meal together. We can chat and laugh together. Life goes on.
When people say timing is everything, I feel that is not quite correct. Sometimes people enter our lives to help us grow and to teach us a lesson. They wake us up. No union is perfect but if the work is done on truly loving and knowing oneself then marriages have a chance at lasting a lifetime and being happy. I wasn’t ready the first time but I am now.
My advice to those contemplating getting married is make sure you truly love yourself first otherwise any comment can cause arguments. It will hurt your feelings eventually. Don’t laugh this off. You matter. Another person should not complete you. They should add to your life instead.
Ever since you were growing in my womb I have felt a close bond with you. I never felt prepared to be your mom but God must have felt different. He sent me you.
From the moment I saw your little face I knew you were my salvation.
God knew my soul needed healing. What a feeling to hold you in my arms!
You have always been my most precious and beloved. There isn’t a thing I wouldn’t do to always see a smile upon your face. I never like to see you hurting. I’m momma bear and hear me roar to always protect you. I love you. You are blessed with compassion among many other gifts.
I cry alone and five hours later you just hug me. You tell me it’s going to be okay. When I’m at work and I’m worried about a patient case you call me. You remind me to trust my instincts and knowledge.. How is that possible? You just get me. You just know. We are close.
You are my wonderful traveling partner, my silly and sometimes messy housemate, my budding actress, my stellar student, my Netflix/Hulu companion, my twin goof-ball and most important of all my gift from God. I may be a doctor but nothing and I mean nothing in this universe makes me more proud than being called your mother. You are my daughter and I adore you!!
I miss you and I just left you at school but a few days ago. Senior year of college is going to be so magical! The best is yet to come! I’m so proud of you and all you have accomplished this far. Keep smiling!! I love you my beautiful daughter.
Your momma
Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn
I place this letter as my blog today to share with the world how much I love and appreciate my 21-year-old daughter. If you have a college age child go ahead and tell them today how much you love and appreciate them. Don’t wait till it is too late. Remember children grow up and become adults. They soon leave home and they might never return if they feel hurt and unloved by you their parents. With this I truly sign off. May your days be blessed.
Lying in this very same bed, I remember her. She looked so angelic despite having food spilled on her hospital gown. Her apparition so lovely…. the way the sunshine hit her gray and white locks…I loved her!
I remember holding her hand ever so tight that I felt her strength pass on into me. Marrying her was my greatest accomplishment!
Do not go my love! Not yet! I am not ready to let you go! Don’t go! But she passed on and I cried as if my very life went with hers. How I loved her!!
I wept much. I couldn’t talk. I even lost the ability to walk. And now that I lie in this very same bed—-I remember.
I can now see her face even more angelic. She calls my name and with all my strength I utter my last breath of life…..
At last I am with you my love and now I am happy!!
One thing that I have learned from being a doctor is that the power of love is very strong. This is a true story told to me by my patient as he lay in a hospital bed during his dying hour. His wife had died just 5 months prior due to ovarian cancer
They had met as children, married at age 20 and meant the world to one another. They had no children as she could not have any. He clearly stated that he wasn’t depressed. He just missed his wife very much. She was his life!
At 85 he had lived a great life with her by his side. He wasn’t afraid of living. He just wanted to be with her once again. A very bad pneumonia took his life in the end. Or was it that he was just ready to die having lived such a fulfilled life?
Stay tuned for more stories/poems inspired by my patients.
Sincerely
Dr.Macias aka Guady G
Hugs from Brooklyn
Ever since you were growing in my womb I have felt a close bond with you. I never felt prepared to be your mom but God must have felt different. He sent me you.
Fluidity 